Thinking too much or not enough?

Wow it's been a while since I posted here. That's usually the way with me. I float through life and never dedicate myself to anything, yup that's me alright.

I'm currently working in a rural hospital pharmacy. I'm thinking, what do I really want to do with my life? I want to become an awesome pharmacist that speaks at seminars and be admired for my amazing knowledge as well as my down to earth approachability. But getting there is the hard part. Maybe I'm just not the type of person who can really apply myself to anything? Am I really a product of laziness?

Or maybe pharmacy is just not for me? I don't have any other true passions in life other than wishing I was better and more interested in things. I'd just like to love ONE thing and make something out of that... and I feel like time is passing me by.

Brainfood

I have been diagnosed with seasonal flu and have been advised to take a week off work with plenty of fluids and bedrest. This is annoying because I received the Fluvax this year! And I feel very guilty knowing that someone has to cover my ward rotation at work - the busiest, most stressful rotation of all!

Having not been sick even with a cold for at least 2 years, I'd forgotten how mind numbingly boring it is! After the initial joy of knowing I can sleep in while everyone is working, I realised I had to get up anyway to call work. You know when you feel bad about something, even though you have no reason to? Like, automatically acting suspicious and shifty when you see a police car behind you, even though you haven't been drinking or speeding? That's how I feel when I call in to say I'm sick. I was like "Hey... I'm sick... *nervous laugh*... I can't come to work today... sorry... *cough cough*" all the while thinking, "did that sound fake? I sound totally fake! Why am I thinking this? I AM SICK!!"

Then I went to the GP to get my doctor's certificate. The rest of the day has been spent watching a japanese tv drama called "BOSS" with my mum. Actually one of the best I've seen in terms of production, script and entertainment. It's a bit like a japanese version of 'The Closer" with Kyra Sedgwick but funnier and less irritating. Unlike most japanese dramas, the dialogue is fast paced and witty - NO MONOLOGUES to fast foward through HOORAY! And for a police drama, the gun shooting scenes and explosions aren't too fake (except that every time someone gets shot, it looks like they got shot in the arm but it turns out they actually received a fatal bullet to the heart) (so yeh, I guess it's not that un-fake). Still, japanese dramas are "acute", not "chronic" like western ones, so I'm guessing they have to work on a smaller budget. Anyway, I finished the whole series in one day while eating copious amounts of delicious congee that my mum made specially for lil ol' me.

I think this has been a very bad post with no point or conclusion, much like most of my anecdotes. It may be called "awkwardness" now, but maybe in a few years, it will be known as "personality". 

To finish off, I have compiled a list of things I have done recently, so I feel good about what a fulfilled life I am living:

• Day trip to Mt Buller - snowboarding (by the way, today the GP asked me if I felt sore and stiff - a sign of the flu. I hesitated because while I am VERY sore and stiff, it's because I spent Saturday falling on my butt while attempting to snowboard) Definitely want to go again next year though
• Clubbing - for the first time in years. But I had fun. I didn't feel ancient like I thought I would

That is all.

Everyone's a critic

I've seen quite a few movies lately. Bruno, Transformers 2, Coco avant Chanel and Balibo.

Bruno and Transformers 2 I have to say were most effective ways of killing time but I want my 4 hours of my life back please. Although I guess I'll settle for just Bruno time back because I saw Transformers in Gold Class so the food and seats were worth it.

Coco avant Chanel was a really lovely film - understated and honest. And come on, it's Chanel and it's a french film - how can I not love it? Just look at the name of this blog. Hello!

Balibo affected me deeply. That's probably the first time I've felt so troubled by a film. It wasn't particularly gory or even that visually brutal compared to some Hollywood movies. But the fact that it happened. And similar things have happened, throughout history, in every country and it's happening right now to someone. This is something that we will never understand. We've never had to live in fear - fear for your life, your family's life. We've never had to fight for anything other than our own personal desires. For me, it's amazing what difference one or two generations can make. My grandparents, especially my grandfather, had to flee China for the safety of Taiwan. And even then, my parents decided it was better to bring me and my siblings to Australia. Our generation is so, so lucky, and we are spoilt by this. You can tell yourself to appreciate something, but you can't truly appreciate anything until you have no choice.

Celebrations

Did I mention how lovely my cousin's wedding was? It was a classic outdoor ceremony set in the oldest family run vineyard in California. 

I like my shoes

The Wedding Cake

Cello resting on wine cask - this photo turned out blurry but i still love the image

Leis for the chairs

The Two

Melbourne Aquarium

I don't think I appreciated going to places like the Zoo or ScienceWorks when I was younger. My memory of such family outings or school excursions is that they were yehh ok, but pretty tedious too. 

Well, after visiting the Exploratorium in San Francisco and the Melbourne Aquarium today, I've realised they are indeed interesting, educational and fun as well! Unfortunately, now that I'm old enough to appreciate it, it's also become apparent that these places really are geared towards children, after finding a few exhibits that I am now physically too big to partake in. Also, people would look at me funny if I did. 

I'm going to have to post more than one photo today, there were just too many to choose from!

Lovebirds

Nemo fish - it was much smaller than I expected. Fish photography is actually quite difficult - they are usually swimming around, they don't respond to you at all, you're separated by glass and water which can warp the image and the tanks are either dark or lit unnaturally, usually blue

Dinner

Jellies. I now understand why other sea animals would mistake plastic bags for food. Don't litter, people!

Today's Post

I've been feeling like my brain function has been deteriorating lately.

In other news, I'd like to share my impressions of San Francisco.

• Buses have bike racks on the front
• Weather is similar to that of Melbourne - highly erratic
• Lots of old people take public transport, especially Asians on their way to Chinatown
• There was an old man working at McDonald's
• McDonald's tastes the same no matter where you go
• The roads are really that steep - driving down feels like teetering on the tip of a rollercoaster because you can't see the road in front of you
• Cars parked on the roads have to rotate their tyres to prevent cars from rolling down the hill, turning into an unstoppable destructive missile
• I like Union Square and have a specific place on the grass where I sit and eat hot dogs
• On the last Friday of every month, you can ride your bike stark naked, or so I heard
• In their supermarket, there is an aisle for Afro hair care

Golden Gate Bridge - the paint colour is 'international orange' and someone has to paint the bridge 365 days of the year for it to maintain its vibrant hue. Why... he could be painting the bridge right now...!

And in black and white

Going to America

That is all.